The Clothes on Your Back
by EloraCooper4
Summary: Angel goes out to drum and encounters someone who reminds her of her insecurities.


Note: I wrote this for a livejournal community called "Rent Inspired" which is all Angel and Collins challenges. It was a song fic challenge with the song "Beautiful" and this is what came of it. I didn't win, but ah well. It was an idea that was in my head for ages and I never got the chance to say it. The prompt helped so I'm glad for it.

Angel opened her eyes and giggled at the sight before her. There he was in all of his naked glory, spread eagle. It would be a sexy sight if he wasn't snoring. Not that Angel minded his snoring. Somehow, Collins made snoring cute. Angel never thought that such a thing could be humanly possible, but Collins surprised her in more ways than one.

Carefully, Angel leaned over and kissed the corner of Collins' mouth. He opened his eyes for a moment, sniffed, and then mumbled, "Love you, Ang." Then he rolled over and continued to snore at his normal pace.

"Love you, too, baby," Angel whispered as she slipped out of her bed and quickly dressed herself. It was 7 am already. The morning rush hour was about to begin and Angel needed to make sure that she was on her corner playing the best that she could. Sometimes she would play later in the afternoon or late at night, but she made the most money in the morning. After all, that was when she meet the Akita woman.

Angel stopped to look at herself in the mirror. A gray sweatshirt that would keep her warm, even in January, and a pair of jeans with rhinestones on the side. The outfit wasn't exactly fabulous. At least not to the caliber that her Santa outfit or her flower skirt was. But it had to do. Not very many people would give their spare change to a drag queen playing the drums. She made do. But looking at herself in the mirror, she couldn't help but feel less than stellar. A sinking feeling in her stomach would always appear before she went out drumming. When she was in her skirts and wigs, she felt amazing. Now, she was a pale and under feed Latino with bags under his eyes.

Looking over her shoulder, Angel wondered how Collins would feel. How he did feel about Angel's looks. He told her that she was beautiful when they made love. He told her the same whenever he had the chance. But he never said it when she returned from drumming or when she left. Angel took a deep breath. It was for the money. That's all she had to remind herself. Collins had volunteered to take over the expenses for the two of them. It was Angel's apartment and everything inside it was hers. It would be fair. Yet, she didn't want to give up drumming. It was something she loved, even though so many things attached to it were so ugly.

"I'm going out drumming, Collins, ok?" Angel called out as she headed towards the door. "Are you ok with that?" She asked him.

"Have fun," Was all that she got in response. Collins wasn't very loquacious in the morning.

Angel smiled to herself and then took a step outside of her apartment. Slowly, she walked down the stairs making sure not to miss one. Although she was better than Collins at staying awake and aware in the early hours…it was still early. When she reached the sidewalk, she headed towards her corner, smiling at the faces that she knew. After working the same shift for many days, there were a few familiar faces. Not enough for her to call them out by name and ask them to dinner, but they were at least worthy of a smile.

When Angel turned down the street her heart skipped a beat. She was going to have to fight for her corner today. A familiar trumpet player placed himself just where Angel always played. He had a pair of shades on and tapped his foot, which made him appear that he was much more talented than he really was. That sinking feeling in her stomach only got worse.

"Will, please find your own corner. You know that I use this one, so please…" Angel sighed. She was not in the mood for this.

The trumpet player dropped his instrument to his thigh and smirked. "Hey there Angel. How's life these days?"

"Fine, thank you," Angel said finding her crate and sitting down on it. "Now please leave." She pulled out her drumsticks and twirled them in her fingers.

Will only laughed. "What makes you think you own this corner, girlie?" He asked leaning over to hold Angel's chin. She jerked back and gave him the best "get lost" look she could manage.

"I've always been here," She said simply looking down at her pickle tub and playing away as if Will wasn't standing next to her.

"Sure you have. How could I forget? That's how we meet isn't it?" Will asked pushing his sunglasses back on his head. "Oh excuse me is this your corner I asked. And you being your usual friendly self said, 'It is, but I do like to share.' I believe you were being more than friendly in that instance."

Angel ignored the retelling of their first meeting and tried to drown out the sound of his voice with her favorite rhythm.

"And then we did make sweet music together. Here and well other places. What I don't understand Angel is why you still wear these rags. You know those little dresses of yours really did turn me on."

"That's enough of a reason not to," Angel snapped but then calmed herself down and explained her real reason. To him and herself, "You know I can't drum in drag. No one will pay me. And it's not a very ladylike position for me to be sitting in." As much as she knew it would make her feel better…the positives outweighed the negatives.

Will just laughed. "Oh believe me Angel, they would pay you. Not for drumming… but something else you do awful well…"

"Get the hell away!" Angel called out. "You really think this is getting to me don't you? Well it's not. Words can't bring me down. This is my corner. So go and find your own," She said with intensity in her eyes.

Will shrugged and picked up his trumpet case, which was filled with bills, not just spare change. "You know what half of this business is? Beauty. Looking beautiful to the passerbys. They don't give a damn if you play good. So you know what Angel? If you wanna start making more than just spare change you gotta stop wearing clothes like this. Cause you ain't pretty like this. Just some friendly advice from an ex-lover." He pulled out a penny from his money and tossed it on Angel's tub. "Keep the change." Then he sauntered off without another word,

Angel turned her eyes to stare at the pickle tub and tried to convince herself that what she said was right. Sticks and stones... But the tears that were forming in her eyes said different. After a few failed attempts to start drumming again, Angel gathered her things and headed back home. She couldn't drum. Not now. And maybe…maybe she could slip back into bed with Collins and pretend that everything was all right. That Collins loved her.

When Angel opened the door to her apartment she was surprised to see that Collins was up already. And he was actually being productive. He was humming to himself and flipping a pancake in a pan. Collins looked behind him and smiled. "Hey, Ang. My stomach was growling so bad, so I figured I'd tame the wild beast and save some for you. Hey, that must have been a short drumming session…or did I sleep longer than I thought?"

No matter what happened to Angel had to smile. Just a little. "I…I just wanted…to come home," She stuttered dropping her pickle tub. Then she realized that she was with Collins out of drag. "Um…I'll be right back…"

"Ok," Collins said with a shrug going back to the pancakes.

Angel closed the door behind her, perhaps a bit too loud than she meant to. Then she threw herself on the bed and tried her hardest not to cry. But she failed. He hadn't said anything. He didn't love her. Not like this. How could she have expected him to love her completely? Not when she was ugly…not when she was a man.

"Baby…you ok? You seem kinda…I don't know. Not as bubbly. Are you sure you're ok?" Collins' voice asked through the door.

Angel tried to control her cries. She must have heard them. "I'm…yeah….I'll be out…and we can…" He voice wavered as she attempted to collect her spasming thoughts. Luckily, she didn't have to think too much about it. Collins pushed the door open and stared at her from the doorway. It only took him a few moments to realize that she was not fine. Angel was soon gathered in his strong and loving arms.

"What happened?" Collins asked her quietly as he rubbed her back. "I knew something was wrong when you came in. You never skip drumming early." Angel grasped her hands around Collins unsure if she should admit what actually happened. He would be ashamed of her. He would admit that he didn't love her all of the time. And she couldn't bear to hear that. Collins, sensing her hesitancy, gently raised her head and kissed her sweetly. "What's wrong?"

"He was before you," Angel said quietly. She knew talking about it would only make her more upset, but it seemed like Collins was skilled at getting her to talk. She had to. "Just a guy who played trumpet on the streets. We flirted. And slept together a few times…" She raised her head to see Collins' reaction. Really, she expected a look of jealousy, hatred, or betrayal. But she only found Collins' caring and sympathetic face.

"Go ahead, Angel."

She nodded and continued as his hand rubbed her back encouragingly. "But I broke it off. He said that he only wanted me around…not to wear…boy clothes in front of him. Only the others. So I did for a while…but then I was too tired one day," Angel shook her head, "I know I don't look good in them, but I had to. I was feeling sick and he…I left him that night. And I ran into him and he made a comment and I just wanted to change…so everything is ok, Collins. I just want to change-"

"No…no it's not," Collins said holding onto Angel's hands. "You know…when I first met you, you remember what you were wearing?" She nodded as he motioned towards her sweatshirt. "Something similar to this. And that's when I feel in love with you Angel. Not when you showed me your outfits. Not when you gave money to the boys at the loft. It was when this beautiful…" Angel looked away only for Collins to turn her head back gently, "And I mean beautiful boy saved my life. All those other things…they're just another part of you. Of the person that I love and adore. All of them add up to you. Cause you are beautiful in every single way."

Angel sniffed and blinked away tears. "I…I was afraid you didn't. You never said that I was…not like this."

Collins smiled and had to let out a quiet laugh. "Angel, do you realize what time it is when you leave and come back in these clothes? I'm usually in a coma baby and you know it." Angel bit back a smile knowing it was true. "But next time I'll wake myself up enough to be coherent," Collins started, "I promise that I will remind you how beautiful you look in a pair of jeans. And sparkly jeans at that. Not everyone can work those like you."

Angel sighed feeling like an ocean had washed over her. "You're are beautiful yourself."

"Course I am," Collins said with an air of pomp. Of course he was teasing and giggled a second later. "I learned that I while ago. No matter what we do we're always the song inside the tune. Full of beautiful mistakes. And we can't let those things that we think are negative blow up into something that is truly ugly. Especially not when there is someone there with us. Who knows that those different parts of you are beautiful. And ignore whatever those other idiots say. If he dumped you he was obviously an idiot!" Angel let her smile widen as Collins continued, "Cause we are beautiful no matter what they say. Yes, words won't bring us down. So don't you bring me down today." He raised her chin. "Okay?"

Angel nodded slowly and kissed Collins with all of her might. He was right. It was Will's words. And he didn't know Angel. Not like Collins did. He never would and he never could. And if he couldn't appreciate all of her, then he wasn't worthy of her. Not when there was a man with her now. One that loved every single piece of her. And her body tingled with the feeling. Knowing that she was loved. As a he. Or a she.

"Now…my beautiful…beautiful lover," Collins said quietly. "Why don't we try to salvage those pancakes that I left to burn."

"Collins!" Angel jumped up and ran into the kitchen with Collins following her slowly and laughing.

"I love you, too, baby."


End file.
